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domingo, 1 de março de 2009

The motorcycle, the day and the alarm

When the alarm clock rang once again at 5 o’clock at the morning of that day, he opened his eyes, but he wasn’t sure if the sound of the alarm was just a dream. After so many years waking up like this, it was all so automatic that he even once found the gates of the company closed because he woke up and left and that was a Saturday.

He stood up feeling his head a bit heavy and that familiar pain in the eyes. He kept them closed, just like the experience of the years had taught to diminish the tiredness. He still could feel the blanket touching his body and the heat that his wife body had by side him, even if he was already dressed to go. He knew he wanted to stay, but he couldn’t.

He walked to the kitchen trying not to make much noise to not wake the children and trying to ignore that pain in his eyes every time he had to lit a light. He made himself a coffee and went to the bathroom. His hair didn’t wanted stay combed and he thought that at least one part of himself deserved to stay the way it wanted to be. Dishevelled, he had a modest breakfast.

He looked to the clock, it was almost five and half. He arranged everything back to the right place in the kitchen to avoid listen complaints from his wife. He got back to the toilet, brushed his teeth, ignored his hair, grabbed a jacket, went back to his room to wake his wife up. He touched her arm and she moved a bit upset, like he was her mother and was asking her to clean her room. He remained in silence and left.

While he was starting the motorcycle, he saw his older daughter looking at him through the window. She sent him a kiss and told him to bring up something to her, pointing with her finger her own self, like her mother used to do, saying “to me”. He put the motorcycle helmet on and drove into the traffic, it was almost six.

He tried to remember how many times he had taken that same route and how the route was very much the same, but he wasn’t. 26 years of company. He wished more time to think about things and to make things right. He missed a time when the motorcycle wasn’t just “the thing that take him to work”. He wanted to blame somebody, but there was nobody.

He got in, parked, opened the door, walked the corridors, opened up the right door and got in. He went straight to his messy boss table and said good morning to all that young people that he “commanded”. He wondered if was he someday so promising as that young people appeared to be through his eyes. He received all the congratulations for his 26 years in the company, but he didn’t smile.

As the day passed, he dressed himself with work e completely forgot all that he had in his mind. He was the last one to leave the building. Without notice, he just wanted to postpone the return to his home, his life and his thoughts. Jumped in the old motorcycle, put the motorcycle helmet on and got the road back home. And that was when it happened.

He tried to ask himself why he was feeling so bad about everything, why he wasn’t satisfied with all that he had. He recalled old and difficult times and stories about people that had much worse lives. Little by little he felt some kind of happiness growing up inside him. Fake, crafted by a simple mind of our time and society, without all the light the feeling could have, but enough. Feeling the wind that could get into the helmet, he tried to clean up his mind. He was now running to don’t get late, to don’t waste anymore time. He wanted to enjoy that day, he wanted to do something, he suddenly wanted to go out with his wife, his daughters and his dishevelled hair. 26 years of work!

That was a good night, even if a bit expensive. He didn’t complained about pay, he knew that day was worth. Despite all the usual complains his wife used to have, she also had fun. His younger daughter, who appeared at the window in the morning, was glad to type de credit card password to pay the restaurant bill, while the younger one, had happiness enough holding up his wallet for some time.

Later, at home, the children slept. In their bedroom, he and his wife, she wanted to know why he had that idea do go out suddenly, without previous planning, like he never used to do. He thought for a very short time and just didn’t feel enough confidence to say to her it was like a escape, he needed do escape, to break up the routine, to get a few hours of illusion where time and money wasn’t holding back and he was free with a very good life. Ironically he noticed that he was really free after all, he wanted to go out and went, he wanted to break up the routine and did it and for sure his hair was dishevelled, but he knew that once in a while he probably looked like so smart and promising like he used to be 26 years ago. Above all that, despite all that, he still loved that woman changed by the years, standing before him, waiting for an answer.

He gave a smile to her and said he loved her very much and that was all. They kissed each other and because they both were so tired, they just slept. The next day came with a new morning and the sound of alarm of the clock ring, again.